


The Forest and the Tree

by calysto1395



Category: Dragon Age II
Genre: F/M, Fake Dating, Friends to Lovers, Modern AU, Oblivious Varric, Or Is It?, Self-Denial, Varric is so deep in denial he is wading through the Thedas equivalent of the river in egypt, idiots to lovers, romantic comedy tropes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-12 13:07:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29385339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/calysto1395/pseuds/calysto1395
Summary: “You want me to pretend to be your girlfriend at your ex-girlfriend’s wedding?”“Future wife, pay attention.”“Considering you want to take me to her wedding, I think she’s someone else’s future wife!”“Hawke.”“Varric.”“Please.”
Relationships: Female Hawke/Varric Tethras, Past Bianca Davri/Varric Tethras - Relationship
Comments: 6
Kudos: 9
Collections: Hightown Funk 2020





	The Forest and the Tree

**Author's Note:**

  * For [pinehutch](https://archiveofourown.org/users/pinehutch/gifts).



> I originally wanted to fill the mass effect au part of your prompt but then like 20 days before the original deadline the idea for this one possessed me. I hope you enjoy! 
> 
> I listened to the song Drinking Song by House Phone on loop when writing this if you want the tune for this work.

“You want me to pretend to be your girlfriend at your ex-girlfriend’s wedding?”

“Future wife, pay attention.”

“Considering you want to take me to her wedding, I think she’s someone else’s future wife!” 

“Hawke.” 

“Varric.” 

“Please.” 

Hawke let out a guttural groan and let her head fall down onto her folded arms. Varric let her have her moment of theatrics, pushing her pint of beer closer until one of her hands grabbed it. She lifted her head to bring the glass to her lips. His eyes were fixed on her throat as she emptied her drink slowly with measured sips, taking her time. Varric didn’t mind, he was a patient guy. Even in the oppressive humidity of the bar- now in the high of summer in Kirkwall, an adequate amount of alcohol solved most problems. 

Hawke slammed her empty glass down and let out an impressive belch before wiping the foam mustache from her upper lip. She fixed him in a tired gaze. 

“What’s your plan exactly?” She asked, exasperated and slightly tipsy at this point. He had been trying to wear her down for hours and now he had her. Varric went in for the kill - figuratively. 

“I take you to her wedding. Bianca realizes what a mistake she is making and we elope on her wedding day, driving off into the sunset. Alternatively, she leaves the guy at the alter after I make an impressive speech when the priest does the whole ‘speak now or forever hold your peace bit. I’ll decide in the moment.” He explained in his most professional voice, gesturing emphatically when required. Hawke watched his display wearily and not at all impressed like she ought to. 

She rested her head on her hand, slumped over their table. “Why did she even invite you?” She asked, squinting. 

“Because she secretly wants me to sabotage her wedding with an epic romantic gesture.” 

“That’s the dumbest shit I’ve ever heard,” She said.

“That’s because you don’t have a single romantic bone in your body.” He told her. 

“Also, I don’t see why you need me in this scenario.” Hawke continued on, ignoring his commentary, she knew he was right. 

“To make her realize what she is missing out on, Hawke, we covered this.” He snapped his fingers in front of her face to wake her up a little, resulting in her gripping his fingers painfully tight. “I’m beginning to think you are not on board.” 

“I’m not,” She said, releasing the death grip on his fingers. “This is ridiculous. Even for you,” Hawke’s voice was oddly serious as she said it. Immediately after she motioned to Corff for another drink. 

Varric recoiled, affronted. “Excuse me? You’re gonna say _this_ is ridiculous? After Aveline and Donnic?” 

Hawke groaned again and buried her face in her hands, muttering something under her breath. She knew he had a point, he could tell. At a certain point, Varric was able to read people as easily as he read books. 

“Come on, it’s one day.”, he leaned closer across the table. “Please, Hawke.” 

She let her hands fall to the table to look at him. Her blue eyes pierced to his core. He grabbed one of her hands to hold them between his own. They were sweaty from the heat and he could feel her bones under his palms despite the strength they possessed. “Please.” He repeated with weight, his voice low and gravely. His eyes looked up at her from underneath his lashes and the alcohol definitely helped to make them look all watery and pathetic. 

Hawke threw her head back. She closed her eyes and muttered towards the ceiling and Corff came over with another beer. Varric waited with bated breath until he was gone, leaving them alone once more. 

“I’m not wearing a dress,” Hawke said eventually and Varric kissed her knuckles as thanks. 

* * *

Isabela held her folded hands in front of her mouth and stared at him through the reflection of the mirror. 

“Great plan, right?” He asked and examined himself. The suit fit perfectly, as expected, considering how much it had cost him- but he eyed the tie he had chosen critically for a few moments before untying it. Something about the maroon didn’t work for him, he decided and discarded it. He looked over his selection of ties. There was definitely a point at which a man had too many of them, he realized. 

“I don’t understand,” Merrill said, confused from where she sat in an armchair in the corner.

Isabela took a deep breath. “This is without a doubt, the dumbest plan ever.” She told him.

“Think about it,” Varric said, only glaring a little through the reflection and she raised an eyebrow at him, skeptical. His hands were drifting over his collection of silk ties until he eventually landed on a cobalt blue one. It would go well with Hawke’s eyes, he thought. 

“Have you? Because it’s very obviously an awful idea.” She said, crossing her hands under her chest. 

“Everyone said that about Aveline and Donnic and now look at them.” He told her, taking the blue tie and laying it around his neck. Yes, this color was much better. 

Isabela came up behind him, taking the two ends of his tie and pressing close so she could tie it for him. She hummed and he could feel her breath on his neck like a threat. “They are freaks and shouldn’t be considered measurement for anything, especially now, with whatever they’ve got going on with Fenris.” 

Varric considered for a moment. He wasn’t going to touch that whole situation and felt better not thinking about it, but maybe Isabela did have a point. Aveline was like the sister he never wanted or had and he loved her dearly but could admit that she was a strange breed indeed. How she had managed to be married previously was quite honestly a mystery for the ages. He shook his head.

“Regardless, this is my last chance with Bianca. I won’t waste it.” He said with conviction.

“Wait, Bianca?” Merrill said, confused. “I thought you were in love with Hawke?” 

Both Varric and Isabela stopped, turning together to stare at her. 

“What?” He asked. 

“You always look at her with the biggest puppy eyes. You buy her things all the time.” Merrill said, trailing off. 

“I pay for your things all the time too,” Varric said, his voice coming out strangely high pitched.

Isabela finished up the knot around his throat, strangely tight, and leaned over his shoulders. “Oho?” She said and he could hear the smirk in her voice. He shrugged her off and crossed his arms in front of his chest, feeling strangely vulnerable. 

“Yes, but Hawke never asks for things. And when she’s not there you talk about her all the time.”

“We hang out a lot, of course I talk about her a lot.” He said and turned his back to them adjusting his tie in the mirror. He could see Merrill cock her head to the side, her gaze suddenly ancient and knowing. 

“So you don’t love Hawke?” She asked and her tone implied she had already decided on the correct answer. Isabela was watching him intently. 

He scoffed. “Of course I do. I love her like-” He meant to say ‘like a sister’ but the words got stuck in his throat. He didn’t care for Hawke in the same fashion as he did Aveline. He had known Hawke for much longer, that was the difference. And he knew her more closely, confided in her in a way he had never done with anyone else in years. She was his best friend. “-like a friend.” He settled on eventually and the words betrayed him by feeling wrong. 

Merrill’s mouth turned into a pout and Isabela frowned at him. 

Eventually, Isabela rolled her eyes dramatically. “Fine, you’re not ‘in love with Hawke’.” She said mockingly, making quotation marks with her fingers. “But don’t you think this is a bit cruel regardless?” 

Varric huffed. “I don’t particularly care about her fiancé’s feelings. And all I’m doing is letting Bianca know her options.” 

“Not who I meant,” Isabela said, one hand on her hip.

“Hawke is an adult who can make her own decisions, she agreed to do it because unlike you guys, she is a great friend that supports me in my romantic pursuits.” 

Isabela stepped up behind him again and patted his shoulders. “Okay. I’m going to go before I strangle you with that tie.” She told him and headed for the door. Merrill clambered from her seat and followed suit. “The red goes better with your complexion by the way.” She said on her way out the door. Merrill waved goodbye and followed. 

Varric rolled his eyes after them and adjusted his tie in the mirror once more. The blue was way better and Isabela and Merrill had no idea what they were talking about. 

* * *

“Where is this whole affair taking place?” Hawke asked him before stuffing a piece of fruit in her mouth with vigor. The sun was beating down on them mercilessly, even though the fabric pulled over Hawke’s balcony like a sail. He remembered how annoying it had been to put up, especially when Hawke could have just hired someone to do it. She chewed loudly just to annoy him but he decided to be nice and not mention it. 

Especially when Aveline was there to do it for him. “You are disgusting.” She told Hawke. Why she had gotten invited to their strategic meeting, Varric had no idea but sometimes Hawke just did things on a whim. Like getting a giant piece of fabric and getting Varric to help her mount it to her house. Or like making them sit outside in the heat when inside was perfectly air-conditioned. His suspicion was that Hawke just liked wearing sunglasses and felt silly doing it inside. 

“Ostwick.” He told her and Hawke groaned dramatically. “I know it’s a long drive.” He added immediately. 

“You’ll be stuck in the car all day,” Aveline said with that air of disapproval she had been exuding all day. He didn’t know exactly what Hawke had told her about his plan, but it was easy to see that Aveline was not on board. 

“You know I get car sick, you dick,” Hawke said and flicked a grape at him. He tried to catch it with his mouth but failed. Instead, it hit him square in the eye as if Hawke had been aiming for it. He exclaimed in pain, holding his eye and scowling at her. Aveline, between them, rolled her eyes. 

“Just ask Anders for some drugs.” He grumbled. “I’m paying for a nice hotel room so you can take a mini-vacation on me.” 

Hawke’s sunglasses were perfectly reflective and gave nothing of her expression away. Aveline gave her a look, heavy with an unspoken argument that Hawke deliberately ignored. 

“Varric.” Aveline began and Varric was already dreading the following conversation.

“Aveline.” He replied, sickly sweet. 

“As a married woman-” She continued and Varric groaned. “Oh, here we go.” 

“ _As a married woman_ -” Aveline repeated with emphasis. “- your plan won’t work. If anything, it will make Bianca hate you.” 

Varric rested his chin on his hand. “Oh, do tell.” 

“If she has already been with this man and has decided to marry him there is nothing you can say or do to persuade her otherwise,” Aveline told him strictly. 

“You’re just as bad as Hawke, neither of you has any sense for romance.” He waved her off. 

“And you have no sense of reality. At most, you will make her feel confused and uncomfortable.” Aveline said. Hawke remained strangely quiet, 

“Not to disrespect your status as _a married woman_ but I think I know Bianca better than you. Did Merrill put you up to this?” He asked and Aveline’s stony frown turned into genuine confusion.

“Merrill? Why would she put me up to anything?” She asked, frowning. 

“Nothing. Can we get back to the topic?” He said turning to Hawke who was piercing the fruit on her plate with aggression he rarely saw from her. It gave him pause, trying to gauge what could have Hawke so upset this early in the morning. Her siblings were fine, as far as he knew and surely he would have heard already about it if something had happened. No one was having fights within the group, which Hawke always seemed to be personally affected by even if she wasn’t involved - Varric suspected that to be coming from her being the oldest sibling in her family, always taking responsibility she didn’t have to. Maybe she had had some nightmares again. She hadn’t had them in a while, but it would explain the sunglasses if she didn’t want him to know about it. 

“Hawke?” Aveline asked, expectant, her hands folded on the table.

Hawke gave her a smile before turning back to Varric. “You’re driving the whole way.” She told him and Aveline withdrew. 

Varric wanted to argue that driving herself would help with her nausea but also didn’t want to put up a fight at this point. 

“Of course.” He said, stealing a piece of fruit from Hawke’s plate and narrowly avoided getting stabbed by her fork. 

Aveline sighed. 

* * *

“I prepared a playlist just for you,” Varric told Hawke as she buckled up.

“If there are any love songs on there I will jump out of the car.” She said and cracked a yawn. The sun was barely visible over the horizon. They had decided to get an early start to make it to Ostwick by nightfall, that way they wouldn’t have to stress getting to the wedding on time the day after. Not that Varric was against being fashionably late but in this case the more time he had with Bianca, the better. 

“Only your favorites, I promise.” He told her and handed her a travel mug he had prepared at home. Coffee, sickly sweet and full of milk, just the way she liked it. He watched as she took a long sip and idly wondered how she didn’t burn her tongue. She put on her sunglasses as the first streaks of sunlight crept over the houses. 

“I do appreciate this a lot, Hawke.” He told her and she turned her head to look at him. “Thank you.” 

She opened her mouth to speak but changed her mind last second, jaw clicking shut. Her gaze was an enigma behind the tinted lenses but she averted her eyes first, turning away.

“Just drive.” She said, cradling the travel mug close. Varric chalked up her sullen mood to the early hour. 

* * *

The elevator doors parted like a curtain on opening night, releasing Hawke into the spotlight as the shining star. Varric couldn’t help but gape open-mouthed at her as she crossed the lobby toward him. 

She held herself with that effortless grace that she always tried to hide as she sauntered across the marble floors, heels clicking. Her dress was a deep royal blue silk without sleeves and a high neckline, draping around her body like ocean waves crashing onto a shore. The skirt of the dress had a knee-high slit that revealed her pale leg underneath as she moved, enough to be tantalizing, but not too much to be inappropriate for a wedding. The hem was hitting just above her ankles to show off the simple black heels with a thin buckled strap. Hawke’s hair wasn’t long enough to do much with but it somehow looked just as silky as her dress and arranged deliberately to frame her perfect face. 

She raised an eyebrow at him as she reached the lobby seating area he had been waiting at. “Well?” She asked, spreading her arms and twirling around. The back of the dress was open down to the small of her back. Varric had to take a moment to compose himself and try to ignore the desire to drag his hand down the exposed knobs of her spine. 

“I thought you weren’t going to wear a dress.” He said, a little dumbfounded. 

Hawke came to a stop facing him and put the hand holding the small clutch handbag on her hip. “I wasn’t going to but then someone-” She said, glaring at nobody. “-meaning my dog - threw up on my good pants suit the day before we left.” Varric made a mental note to get some good treats for her dog. 

“And you just had this lying around?” Varric asked, skeptical. 

“Mother bought this for me ages ago when she tried to set me up with that Orlesian guy.” 

Varric pretended to think about it even if the name came to his mind in an instant. “De Launcet?” 

Hawke shrugged. “Don’t remember. I couldn’t bring myself to throw it out, so here it is. It might smell a bit dusty. It hasn’t seen daylight in years.” She said and Varric leaned close for a sniff. It only smelled like Hawke, her shower gel, and shampoo. Her finger poked his chest. “Looks like we match.” She said and Varric looked down at his tie, matching the color of her dress and her eyes. 

“You’re right.” He said, feeling vindicated after Isabela had tried to deter his decision. Then Hawke flicked his nose. 

She cackled when he gave her a halfhearted glare. 

“Well.” She said, growing solemn quickly and reaching out with her hand for his elbow. “Let’s go.” 

* * *

“Oh, I shouldn’t have worn heels.” Was the first thing Hawke had to say when they arrived at the venue. 

It was some old dwarven fortress, built into the side of a mountain hundreds of years ago. The high ceilings seemed to only exist to accommodate the ancient dwarven statues carved into the walls, but someone in the last century had mercifully added some skylights so that the evening sun could reflect off the marble as well as the electric lights all around the entry hall.

As traditional as the location were Bianca and Bogdan’s guests. Varric always regarded his family as traditional despite being descended from surface dwarves but Bianca and Bogdan’s families were generations upon generations from Orzammar, upstanding caste members, and paragons. It was probably why Bianca’s family had always hated Varric. He didn’t come with the right pedigree for their precious daughter, unlike Bogdan

He had been a bundle of nerves the second they left the hotel and it only got worse when they stepped inside the reception hall. 

“This is uncomfortable,” Hawke muttered next to him and she graciously smiled and waved at everyone staring at them. Varric easily recognized most of the people in the crowd and they stuck out like a sore thumb. Hawke wasn’t exactly tall by human ancestry standards but she was easily taller than everyone else in the entire venue. 

She tightened her grip on his elbow and walked ahead, pulling him along with him with her head held high. She had always been braver than him. Her nonchalant behavior seemed to force everyone into a display of common decency and conversations picked back up and eyes were averted. Varric already knew he would be hearing from his brother after all this was over and would have to endure a tirade about what an embarrassment he was to the family. 

“Varric!” Bianca’s voice pierced his thoughts and he turned to the sound of her. “I didn’t think you’d actually show up.” She said as she parted the crowd, wearing a simple reception dress and her hair and make-up impeccable. It felt strange to see her all done up for once. She gave him a sly grin as she reached them, unbothered by the staring happening once again. 

“Wouldn’t miss it.” He told her earnestly and then felt at a loss for words. He had planned something in his mind on the drive over but none of them seemed right in the moment. Instead, he placed his hand over Hawke’s still resting on his elbow. “You remember Hawke?” He said, gesturing towards Hawke who had seemingly tried to disappear behind him. 

“Oh, yes,” Bianca said, extending her hand for Hawke who shook it. “I don’t think we’ve met.” 

“It’s nice to finally put a face to the name. I heard a lot about you.” Hawke said. “Only good things! The best things.” She added quickly with a sideways glance towards Varric.

Bianca shot him a similar glance. “Well, then you have the advantage on me.” 

“I did meet Hawke after we broke up.” He added immediately, feeling strangely defensive. 

Hawke waved them off. “You didn’t miss that much. I’m rather boring, I’m afraid.” She said and Varric bristled at her words. Hawke was many things and none of them were boring. It was strange to hear her be so self-deprecating but before he could correct, she slipped free of his hold. “I’ll just let you two catch up.” She smiled and continued the way they had been heading before Bianca had interrupted them. 

Bianca looked after her with a puzzled expression. 

“She seems… nice.” 

“She’s _wonderful_.” He said with emphasis. “Just not a fan of big gatherings.” He added, though unsure of his truth behind his statement. 

Bianca looked at him with a smug smile. “I’m glad to see you finally settled down.” She gave him a light shove. “I was almost afraid you’d pine after me forever.” 

Varric grinned, feeling only a little foolish. “What can I say? You’re a tough act to follow.” He said, meaning every word. 

Her smile softened. “So are you.” She said, her voice heavy with their history. She reached out to take his hand. “It’s good to see you.” He squeezed her hand and her engagement ring dug into his skin. 

His palms were still sweaty and he held onto her, trying to organize his thoughts into sometime resembling what he had envisioned but all that came out was. “You too.” Their hands parted. 

“Enjoy the party. I better go and get changed. Bogdan should be here soon.” She told him and excused herself, disappearing in the crowd. 

Varric braced for disappointment about his first chance wasted but all he felt was relief. 

* * *

“How’s your plan going?” Hawke asked in a low voice as they sat down in the chapel.

Varric’s already rummaging stomach turned further at her question. “Not great.” He pressed out between grit teeth, trying to stifle his nausea. After their brief encounter earlier, Varric hadn’t had the chance to talk to Bianca again. He had finally met Bogdan, who he disliked solely on principle, but he also had such a pleasant personality that it made him difficult to outright hate. This would have been a lot easier if Bogdan had been a jerk. 

Varric’s blood was roaring in his ears as the other guests filed in, filling the seats around them, trapping him. 

“Hey.” Hawke nudged him gently with her elbow and when he turned to look at her she gave him a reassuring smile. “You can do this.” She said.

The only problem was that Varric didn’t know if he _wanted_ to. 

They watched Bianca walk down the aisle, beaming as brightly as the sunlight streaming into the ancient halls, her dress and veil glittering like freshly fallen snow. Bogdan had wet eyes as they held hands during the priest’s speech and Varric felt sick at the thought of speaking up. He had come here with a plan but the closer it came to fruition the less sure he felt. 

He looked to Hawke, looking for… something. Reassurance, maybe? Some of that steadfast confidence and cocky attitude that he admired so much about her. Instead, he found her sitting next to him, coiled tightly like a spring ready to snap. Her back unnaturally straight, shoulders pulled back and eyes fixed ahead, staring at nothing. Her slender fingers were clutching her purse as if she were expecting an impact. 

And he couldn’t look away. Found himself completely taken by her striking profile, the strong line of her jaw, her eyes, too bright. 

“If anyone knew why the couple should not be joined in holy matrimony, let them speak now or forever hold his peace.” The priest’s voice echoed through the hall and Varric felt a lurch in his throat. That was his chance, the moment he had waited for. Time turned into molasses. Hawke squeezed her eyes shut, lips drawing a shaky breath before she opened them again. 

Varric thought about standing up, saying the piece he had come to say. Seeing everyone around them mutter in delighted horror, imagined Bianca leaving Bogdan at the altar only to slap him silly for being a jerk. Even in his mind, she wouldn’t fall into his arms and he didn’t want to hold her. The confession he had been building up to sat on the tip of his tongue and died there. 

He let the moment pass him by, watched it as it went. The priest moved onto the next line.

Hawke turned, finally catching his stare. He had seldom seen her look so scared. Her eyes darted from him to Bianca at the front of the chapel and he could see the forced steel in her expression. 

“What are you waiting for?” She whispered, urging him somewhat desperate. 

The calm that followed the storm inside his gut was almost dizzying. His hand moved on its own, laying on top of Hawke’s clenched one and slowly peeling her fingers off her bag so he could lace them together. The murky feeling in his gut he had been carrying had vanished so suddenly he almost thought he had imagined it all day. Something had snapped into place in his mind, like the last piece of a puzzle. He couldn’t make out the whole picture yet but something had settled in the way it had been meant to. 

“Varric?” Hawke’s voice was barely a whisper and Varric stared at their joined hands. He shook his head, mostly at himself. 

“You may now kiss the bride.” He heard the priest say and shortly after the chapel exploded with cheer and applause, the people rising from their seats to congratulate the newly formed couple. He and Hawke sat there, surrounded and isolated in the sea of strangers. Her fingers squeezing his. 

* * *

The rest of the evening passed in a blur. Hawke and him didn’t manage to speak a single word to each other, getting swept up in the festivities following the ceremony. Varric didn’t even know what he wanted to say. Was there a need for words? Didn’t Hawke understand him without them? What had he even wanted to convey? 

He loved Bianca. Or so he had been sure of. He had loved her for a long time. His first love, his most intense, perhaps. Varric had spent so much of his life imagining a future with her that he never considered how he would ever reach it, or if he even still wanted it. And now confronted with the fact that he didn’t, it was almost scary and how freeing it was. Now the past weeks, the past years, seemed to play themselves back in his mind without his input. Every moment with Hawke, from their meeting to their friendship, the high and lows. How often had he used Bianca in his mind, to discourage any thought of Hawke? 

He had to begrudgingly give it to Merrill. She was more observant than he had given her credit for. 

In a perfect narrative, Hawke would feel the same, and Varric, ever the romantic was fairly confident that that was the case. In hindsight, it seemed obvious. Hawke’s reservation, her hesitation, her mood, her glances. Even their conversation on the balcony with Aveline. Hawke hadn’t said anything, silently hoping Aveline’s objections would deter him from his plan. 

Had she known on some level that if she had asked him not to go through with it, he would have complied? She had put up a token resistance but ultimately she had tried to help him even if it had made her miserable. 

What was it that would drive her to such foolishness if not love? 

It was easy enough to get distracted throughout the dinner. Their table company was pleasant and Varric knew so many of the guests it was easy to strike a conversation and get lost in it. Trivial small talk that let him order his thoughts and come to terms with his own idiocy. By the time the tables were cleared of dishes and the lights had been dimmed to dance, Varric felt confident and nearly ecstatic at the developments from the evening. 

Bianca and Bogdan shared their first dance in the circle of the tables, colorful fairy tale lights following their every move. Varric watched her twirl on the hardwood floor, giggling with a delight he had never seen before. The jealousy he had expected to feel didn’t come. There was no resentment or anger at Bogdan, he didn’t have the desire to stomp over to him and punch him in the face. Instead, he just felt _happy_. Happy watching Bianca be happy. It was positively bewildering. 

Content, he turned to look at Hawke as she watched the newlyweds dance. The colorful lights of the night danced on her sharp features and he couldn’t tear his gaze away. The mesmerizing shadows the light drew, accentuating the corners of her face. Her hair still looking soft and tempting him to run his fingers through it. The dress, so unlike herself, and yet she wore it as if she was born to carry it on her shoulders. 

“Maybe you can steal the next dance.” She said suddenly. The first words she had uttered since the ceremony. She stood from her seat and wouldn’t look at him. “I think I’ll head back to the hotel,” Hawke said and it took a few moments for the words to register.

“Are you sure? You don’t have to go.” He told her hastily, trying to grab her hand, only realizing belated that she was probably dying to get away from this party where everyone stared at her and where she knew nobody. 

Her eyes were impossibly dark as she looked at him, finally. A smile ghosted over her lips, but her entire demeanor was too weary to be entirely genuine. She opened and closed her mouth, wringing with her words in a way she never did.

“Good luck.” She said finally, her voice heavy and she was gone before Varric would say anything. He was left sitting stunned and alone at their table, feeling dread settle in his stomach once more. 

* * *

“May I have this dance?” Varric looked up at Bianca standing in front of him, her hand outstretched to take. The hours had passed him by without him noticing as he had sat glued to his seat, racking his brain about what to do now. The tables had emptied significantly, leaving only a few of the younger guests, having a discussion over half-empty glasses of liquor and Varric yearned for his own friends to be here. 

“It would be my pleasure.” He replied easily and took her hand, let himself get pulled out of his seat. There was one person still here after all, that he considered a friend.

“Only the one!” He heard Bogdan shout from somewhere in good humor, laughter, and alcohol making his voice rough and Varric grinned. 

“The jealous type, is he?” He asked and Bianca rolled her eyes, not dignifying the question with a response. The next song started as they reached the dancefloor. Her cheeks were flushed bright from smiling all night. Seeing her so happy only vindicated his decision. The plan he had come here to execute had been foolish and misguided from the start. Everyone around him had known it, and surely they would hold it over his head for the rest of his life, but Varric couldn’t find it in him to regret it. 

“Congratulations.” He told her. 

“Thank you.” She replied, her voice full of gentle wonder. “Who would have thought, huh?” She grinned. 

“When I imagined us dancing at a wedding this wasn’t quite what I had pictured.” He admitted, feeling sheepish. 

Bianca laughed, lose from alcohol and joy. “I’ll be honest, I was a little worried when you accepted the invitation.” 

“Oh?” Varric asked and hoped that his face gave nothing away. 

“I thought you were going to try something stupid.” She said, her eyes squinting in good humor.

Varric felt the sweat in the back of his neck. “Me? Never.” 

Bianca raised an eyebrow at him and he ducked his head, twirling her around as a distraction. 

“You and Hawke seem like a nice couple.” She said something to her voice he couldn’t quite place. 

Varric hummed in reply, unsure what to even say. Hawke’s swift exit from earlier replayed in his mind and he felt uneasy.

“You know, she stumbled into my dressing room earlier,” Bianca said looking past him. 

“She did?” Varric asked, perplexed. He searched his memory for earlier in the day, but he had been so preoccupied with his nerves he had barely registered when Hawke had left his side. Varric owed her so much for putting up with him today. The more he reflected on the evening the worse he felt about the whole affair. 

“I think she got lost but we had a nice chat.” Bianca continued and suddenly her focus was all on him. With one glance from her, he knew the game was up. Maybe she didn’t know exactly what he had originally come here to do, but she knew him too well not to suspect. “I think you should talk to her.” She told him plainly.

And Varric felt like a complete idiot. 

He closed his eyes with a heavy breath and pressed a chaste kiss to her cheek. “I love you, you know.” 

“Love you too, you fucking idiot.” She told him, rightfully. 

“I’m gonna go.” He said, slipping away from her even though the song had not yet finished, 

“You better.”

* * *

Both elevators in the lobby were gone the moment Varric returned to the hotel so he decided in a manic episode to take the stairs. He managed to run up the steps on the first two floors before running out of breath and lightly jogging the other six. 

The long hallway down to Hawke’s room, right opposite his own, gave him enough time to catch his breath so that he was no longer gasping as he reached her door. His breath was heavy through his nose as he loosened his tie to aid him and he knocked loudly. 

“I didn’t order room service.” Hawke’s voice came muffled through the wood, followed by shuffling and muted footsteps on the carpet. 

“It’s me.” He said, still breathless.

For an agonizingly long time, he wondered if she would simply ignore him before the door swung open slowly. 

Hawke had changed into loose pajama pants and a tank top, make-up halfheartedly taken off, with eyeliner and mascara making dark smears around her eyes, hair more an unintentional rather than a deliberate mess, and her feet bare, She looked even more beautiful than she had earlier this evening. 

“Oh, hi.” She said awkwardly, arms crossing tightly in front of her chest. “Didn’t expect to see you back.” 

“Yeah, that’s my fault.” He said and Hawke frowned, taking in the state of him. Varric hadn’t looked at himself but he felt like a walking catastrophe so likely his appearance wasn’t far off. 

“Did you run here?” 

“Only up the stairs, it’s a lot more than it looks from downstairs.” He said, feeling manic. 

Hawke’s frown turned to concern. “Is everything okay? What’s the rush?” She asked, arms unfurling. 

“Well, it has occurred to me that I am an idiot.” 

“That’s not news.” 

Varric had to give her that one. “You’re right. But this is. At least to me, apparently. I’m in love with you.” He said in a rush, looking up at Hawke with a wide smile. She stared at him for several heartbeats before she closed the door in his face. 

Maybe he should have seen that one coming. “Hawke, wait-” 

“Fuck off.” Her voice was biting, even muffled through the door. 

Varric braced his hand against the door. “Hawke. Marian.”, he took a deep breath, willing his voice to carry all the emotions he wanted to convey. “I know that I am a fool when it comes to matters of the heart. I think the last few weeks have proven that.” 

He waited for any indication that Hawke was still listening but was only met with silence. 

“I realized something today, being confronted with this opportunity and the reality of what I had set out to do.” He raised his voice until he was confident she could hear him even with the barrier between them. “I didn’t want to convince Bianca. Every chance that presented itself just showed me how much I didn’t want to say anything. Because there was nothing that I wanted to say to _Bianca._ You deserve the truth. And I know it took me way too long to realize it myself. I was afraid, I think. You know how much I hate change.” He leaned his forehead against the wood and closed his eyes. Afraid, yes. He was terrified at that moment. It wasn’t the dread he had felt earlier during the wedding about his own foolish plan. This was earth-shattering fear of how the scene would end. “I mean it.” 

He felt a vibration through the door and suddenly Hawke’s voice sounded much closer.

“I’m not going to be your rebound, Varric. I don’t hate myself that much.” 

He shook his head even though she couldn’t see it. “That’s not it. I _swear_.” Varric pressed his head harder against the door, wishing it to be gone. “I know my timing is awful- believe me, I know. And you are welcome to tell everyone about this and they can make fun of me forever.” Knowing their friends, they would drag this around until his deathbed but it was a small price to pay in comparison. “I’ve loved you for a long time now and I was just incredibly slow to realize. I’m so sorry. I’ve told you I’m an idiot. I’ll give it to you in writing if you want.” 

Varric slid down to his knees, almost as in prayer. “Please believe me. I’ll spend the rest of my life proving it to you.” He begged. 

The silence afterward was deafening. His heart was beating painfully in his chest and he knew it wasn’t just the exertion from running up the stairs. The blood was rushing in his ears until he could barely hear anything but. 

The door clicked open softly and Hawke looked straight at him, sitting on the floor just like him. Bright blue eyes piercing right through him. 

“Tell me again.” She said, voice shaking. 

“I love you.” He told her with all his heart. 

Hawke took a shaky breath, her eyes brimming with tears. “I fucking hate you.” She said and surged forward, hands clasping his face and pulling him into a kiss. He scrambled on the carpeted floor under his knees, hands grasping for any part of her until he finally found purchase. He clung to her desperately like an anchor in the harbor after an eternity at sea. Hawke’s lips pressed against his almost painful with their urgency, her fingernails scratched his skin and his neck ached from their awkward position and Varric would have happily spent hours right at this moment. 

“Woo!” They jerked apart and turned to look down the hallway where a woman with short red hair stood in the open doorway of her room and watched them. She clapped enthusiastically and Varric felt faintly ridiculous. 

Hawke’s hands slid from his face down to the lapels of his suit jacket. “Kill me.” She said.

“Grand romantic gesture, I told you. This is a classic.” 

“Shut up,” Hawke said, twisting his blue tie around her fist and pulling him inside. 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Many thanks to my beta! 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this! I had so much fun with it! 
> 
> (if you are curious about the mass effect au i can tell you all about it too bc i still love that idea)


End file.
